


I Call Your Name

by orphan_account



Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sibling Incest, mawkish drivel, references to depression/anxiety/abuse, toxic masculinity because it's noel and liam, unnecessary Beatle references, unnecessary melodrama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23691910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Liam was the only person who ever saw Noel cry.
Relationships: Liam Gallagher/Noel Gallagher
Comments: 28
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from "I Call Your Name" by The Beatles. I'm really bad with coming up with titles, but the song randomly came on while I was brainstorming ideas and it just seemed to fit really well, so there you go.

Whenever Noel couldn’t sleep and Liam shifted in bed while muttering to himself in a dream, he would try to figure how he had let their relationship become so toxic. It wasn’t like he had ever come close to thinking of Liam that way while they were growing up together. In fact, he would have gladly sold Liam for a pack of cigarettes throughout the duration of his childhood. Of course he looked after him when he had to, made sure he didn’t get hit by a car when he inevitably wandered into the street, snuck out of the house with him in the middle of the night to play football in the park, and kicked in the head of any of the older kids that Liam couldn’t handle himself. But there was only so much of Liam that could be handled, especially if one had to share a room with him.

Almost daily there was some fight, typically involving Liam complaining loudly about Noel constantly playing his records and Noel getting fed up with Liam always being around. Eventually, they would end up hurling their fists and screaming about how much they hated each other. The only days that they didn’t fight were when their father was in a rage, slapping, kicking, and shoving Noel, Paul, and their mam about the house. When those days came around, Liam would sit silently on his bed while Noel threw things around their room and ranted at the walls about his plans to get rid of their father. Then, he would tightly wind his arms around Noel when he eventually broke down and collapsed onto the floor. Noel would always make a show of trying to push Liam off of him at first in an attempt to prove that he wasn’t actually crying and didn’t need anyone to comfort or help him, especially his annoying, stupid little brother. But he would relax ultimately after a minute or so and let him keep his arms around his shoulders. No matter how many times it happened, Noel was always surprised to realize that there wasn’t anything that he could really hide from Liam. They shared a room and were vulnerable together and saw and felt the same things. That was what made them love each other. It didn’t seem like it had much to do with being brothers, especially looking back.

But things changed when they finally packed up and left their father. Of course life suddenly became lighter, freer, and more worthwhile for the both of them, especially Noel. But the tension also became more strained between them as time wore on. As he got older Liam took up more space and became even more insufferable than he already was. He was always swaggering around the room, insulting Noel’s guitar playing and his music and waking him up late at night when he stumbled into their room, drunk and high. But what made Noel really mad was how easy it was for Liam to slide into adolescence. He effortlessly morphed from a cute blond kid with large blue eyes to a beautiful teenager with good hair and natural confidence. His annoying hyperactivity evolved into cocksureness, belligerence, and attention seeking that was somehow both obnoxious and seductive. He accrued a whole legion of birds and friends without needing to try. He easily learned how to properly handle himself in a fight to the point that hardly anybody dared get in his way. He was taller too. And Noel envied and resented all of it to the point that it was almost painful to look at him sometimes. So he resorted to lashing out at Liam and beating him down whenever he dared to fight back.

Still despite all that, Liam always remained the person who truly understood Noel the best. And he was the only one that knew how insecure and frightened Noel was. Noel knew how to seem threatening enough to the point that no one ever questioned him. But Liam knew better. Perhaps it was from all of the times that they had gotten drunk and high together when their mam was out of the house. Noel would talk about how he wished he was a better son to their mam, how much he wanted to be Johnny Marr, how scared he was of the future and having to work for their father, and other things he would never dare say to his mates. And for once, Liam didn’t try to antagonize him. He just laid there on the bed with his head on Noel’s lap and listened.

Sometimes late at night when Noel was in bed staring at the ceiling, rubbing his hand up and down his arms and sides as if he could still feel the bruises, trying to not let his mind slip into the anger and helplessness, Liam would wake up and, as if by magic, would be able to sense what Noel was feeling and thinking about. He would cross the room and curl up beside him in his bed. If he was really scared he even went out of his way to wake Liam up and ask him to lay down with him, which he did without a word or a moment’s hesitation. When Liam was next to him, Noel would miraculously let go of his fear of being weak. He would allow himself to face whatever he needed to feel instead of letting it fester inside of him. Liam was the only person who ever saw Noel cry. But they also never spoke about it.

And it had been a huge fucking relief to finally move in with Louise. There was first the fact that Liam wouldn’t always be around to start shit. But Louise also helped Noel begin to mature without constantly comparing himself to Liam. She made him feel attractive, funny, smart, and powerful, everything he had always wanted to be. She was his soulmate. He was sure of it.

But he was also never able to shake the feeling that there was a void in their relationship that made it vaguely shallow and unsatisfying. He wouldn’t dare to admit it to himself, but there were things that he couldn’t talk to her about. She would never be able to understand or make sense of them. They could also very easily make her afraid or change the way she thought about him. And he certainly couldn’t cry in front of her. So he didn’t bother trying to let her or anyone else into what he really thought about, remembered, and felt.

The only effective escape was his music. His songs were the only place where he could finally feel safe to be expressive and honest with himself while still maintaining control. That was enough and honestly a lot more important than his relationship with Louise. Music was what he really loved, always would be.

-

It had felt like it was finally starting to happen when he met Graham. His first real heartbreak was failing the audition to be in the band. But getting hired to be a member of the road crew was the next best thing. Though he wasn’t actively playing the music, he was still a part of it and it felt like a religious experience every night, with or without the drugs. It solidified his belief that music was all he needed in life and his dedication to making it the very center of his universe. He finally saw that he was about to become who he dreamed he could be. Nothing else mattered.

Traveling also gave him a sense of faith in the future. There were entire cultures, cities, people, and experiences he had no idea existed. It seemed like it was all making him aware of just what he wanted out of his dreams, namely to escape Manchester and conquer the world with his music. He liked America especially because he had never considered that a country could be so diverse and large. He would fall asleep in a desert and wake up in a lush landscape with fog seeping through the trees, all while never even leaving the state. They also spoke English which wasn’t too bad either.

California was a massive disappointment though. From all of the movies he thought the place would be a fucking paradise, with nothing but fit birds lounging around on beaches and Mustangs speeding down highways. But LA was ugly, hot, and no one seemed to give a shit about you unless you had a wad of cash in your pocket or a set of fake tits pushed up against your chin. San Francisco was a bit better. The city had a view of the ocean on every street corner and the air was fresh and breathable, unlike a lot of the other cities he had been in where it felt like he were stuck in a toxic concrete wasteland most of the time. But it was fucking cold even when it was sunny. Wasn’t California supposed to be warm?

It was there that on one of their nights off someone had the idea of going for a drink at a gay bar in the Castro for a laugh and since it seemed like the thing to do. None of them cared if they came off as gay or not to each other because they were confident enough that they didn’t. So it wasn’t really a problem. Except it was for Noel. When he was young kids got beaten up constantly just for seeming gay or feminine. And his father had called him queer enough times to be self-conscious about it. And there were occasions where he had looked a little too long at one of his mates as he walked away and thought about him a few too many times to deny when he wanked later on.

He had kissed a few mates for a laugh when they were pissed and high, including members of the road crew. But going to an actual gay bar felt different. He couldn’t tell why exactly, but it just did, like maybe he wouldn’t be able to control himself or that his mates would somehow be able to detect that he might be a little gay. But he wasn’t gay at all, so it wasn’t a problem really. So he went with them.

He still ended up almost having a panic attack when they walked in and everyone was dancing to a fucking New Order song of all things. Men were kissing and grinding to the rhythm right in front of him. The rest of the crew thought it was hilarious and didn’t mind when men approached them and bought them drinks. Some even flirted back. But Noel knew it was all a joke to them. For him it was different when some bloke touched him on the shoulder or leaned in too close because someone might be able to tell that he actually liked it. Eventually he decided he needed some air and walked out of the bar, contemplating getting a taxi and going back to the hotel so he wouldn’t have to go back inside. He stood on the curb and smoked a cigarette and counted cars as they went by.

“Do you have a light?” he heard someone ask. He turned to see a man standing beside him. He smiled lopsidedly.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Noel responded shyly, fumbling in the pocket of his jacket to find his lighter. He handed it to him. He lit his cigarette.

“You’re from England?” he asked, blowing out smoke.

“Yeah.”

“Where exactly?”

“Manchester.”

“Where’s that?” he asked, cocking his head a bit after breathing out smoke.

“Up north,” Noel answered, a bit anxious about the fact that he was a little fixated on the way he smoked his cigarette. He brought to his lips, sucked on it, and blew the smoke out slowly. He gracefully craned his neck to watch the smoke disappear into the sky before dropping his arm to the side. Why did he make it look so sexy?

“What brings you here?”

“I’m a roadie for a band.”

“What band?”

“Inspiral Carpets.”

“Never heard of them,” the man chuckled. Noel smiled but looked down, trying to think of something to say.

“You didn’t like the bar?” the man said after a beat.

“Uh, no,” Noel responded, raising his eyes again to look at him and scratching the back of his head. “It’s not really my scene.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“I didn’t see you in there,” Noel said after a small pause. The man shrugged.

“Well I saw you.”

Noel laughed and shook his head, turning his eyes away to look down the street. Was he really being flirted with? The bloke was far from ugly. Actually he was really fucking fit, with his shaggy dark hair and effortlessly self-assured stance, so it was flattering really. And away from the hot air, grinding, and his mates it didn’t feel scary. Maybe he was okay with this. Maybe it felt natural. Maybe it felt good.

“What’s your name?”

Noel took a drag on his cigarette and blew out the smoke. “Noel. You?”

“John.” He held out his hand and Noel shook it. “Would you maybe want to go? I’ll buy you something to eat.”

Noel hesitated for a moment, his heartrate picking up slightly. Fuck it. “Yeah sure,” he answered before he could talk himself out of it. He was in America. No one knew him here. It was okay to experiment and have fun. Fuck whoever may care.

Noel walked away quickly just in case any of his mates came out and saw him leaving with a man.

-

The only place still open was a shitty American diner, the kind he had seen only in movies. They bought hamburgers and ate them hastily before John invited Noel back to his flat. Noel quickly drank the beer and smoked the spliff that John gave him when they got to his place, hoping that it might help ease his nerves. He pawed through his record collection while answering John’s questions about what England was like and if he liked San Francisco and being a roadie and the like. His music taste wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great either. He put a Rolling Stones record on without really thinking. The first song was “Let’s Spend the Night Together.” Fuck. His cheeks reddened immediately. John gave a short laugh. He stood and peered into Noel’s face.

“You have really beautiful eyes, you know?”

“Yeah?”

John nodded before slowly leaning forward and putting his mouth on Noel’s. His lips were soft like a girl’s, but his stubble and the height difference made it clear that he was definitely kissing a man. For a moment he felt himself beginning to panic. He broke the kiss and looked into John’s eyes. They were bright blue like his. He was so fucking fit. Fuck it, fuck it all. He suddenly just couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He grabbed John’s waist and crashed their mouths back together.

-

Manchester hadn’t changed a bit while he had been on tour. Louise was still there in their miserable little flat and there were no jobs and no money. But Noel felt different. He felt fulfilled, liberated, and electrified. The world was suddenly uncomplicated. He knew who he was and how to get what he wanted. Even if he was afraid and unsure, which he was most of the time, he could pretend to be cocky and hard and people would buy it and eat it up. That was the way to get the things he wanted. People responded to confidence and attitude and demands.

He had barely thought about Liam while he had been gone. Of course he talked to him on the phone every now and again and missed him when he listened to “Nowhere Man.” Or any Beatle song really. However his mind was always elsewhere so he didn’t give much thought about what he was up to. But that changed when his mam had told him that Liam was in a band. He was so angry and frustrated he almost lost his mind. Music had always been _his_ thing. Perhaps it was a bit infantile. It’s my ball, give it back. But he knew it would be so fucking typical of Liam to get famous because he was good looking and could rope people into doing the hard work for him, the cunt.

When he went to see Liam’s band he was relieved that the songs were forgettable at best. Boring melodies, lifeless guitar playing, and pointless lyrics. But it was a different story when it came to Liam. Noel rolled his eyes when he strutted onto the stage, doing his best to look like Ian Brown. But once he opened his mouth Noel remained frozen in place until the set was over. His voice reverberated in his skull. It was whiny and boyish, but strikingly rough and snarling, pure sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. And his defiant stance on the stage was excruciatingly magnetic. He was the only thing that made the songs remarkable. He gave them a soul. And he was so fucking beautiful.

Then there came a moment when Liam looked over the crowd until his eyes found Noel’s. There was an electric shock that ran from Liam to him. It couldn’t be explained. Maybe it was the way that he sung and leaned forward on the mic that made Noel feel like he was singing just to him. It made him shiver. And the way he blinked his eyes slowly and with intention and smiled crookedly reminded him of John. All the emotions he had felt when he was with him for that night flooded him. Security, affection, lust, and like it was all coming together, like it all suddenly made sense, like he was free and finally knew just how to be himself without all the bullshit. Noel was completely overwhelmed, hypnotized, and a little scared.

After the set was over, Liam headed straight for him. Noel watched him as he pushed people aside so he could make his way through the crowd towards Noel. While he had been on tour Liam had grown. He was less lanky now and more toned and solid and strong. His skin was smooth, completely free of spots, and had just a slight hint of stubble. He wasn’t a kid anymore.

“What did you think then?” Liam asked without any greeting or introduction. Noel sneered reflexively after taking a drag from his cigarette as his mates snickered behind him, hoping that he could mask his amazement from Liam.

“It was shite,” he responded while breathing out the smoke.

Liam’s face hardened into a leer and he stepped closer to Noel, using his height to lean over him. He was obviously trying to hide that he was hurt by trying to seem angry and intimidating. Noel knew there was nothing he wanted more than for him to approve of his band. He couldn’t hide what he actually thought from Noel. He knew him too well.

“Fuck off,” Liam snarled. “Why don’t you go up there and try to do better, yeah?”

“I could. And I fucking will someday soon.”

Liam’s eyes gleamed. He grabbed the cigarette from Noel’s hand and put it to his lips. He breathed it in deeply and blew it out in his face. “Yeah, maybe you will, la.”

“Liam, fuck off, cunt,” Noel snapped, incensed at the smoke. Liam shrugged and took another drag. Noel was about to start swearing at him again. But for a moment as he looked at him he was surprised again by how captivating Liam was with his sad eyes and thick lips as he breathed in the smoke and slowly let it out. Inevitably the memory of John’s lips around his cock and the sway of their bodies as he fucked Noel ran through his mind. And suddenly the memory was mingling with Liam smoking in front of him and the image of him on stage, the sweat on his face making him gleam and shine, gripping the mic and roughly singing, “Take me.” It made him shake and his cock twitch. There was a feeling of disgust and confusion that came with it, but also a burning curiosity that he could not deny or get rid of. His whole body heated up and he wished he could run away. But Liam was still standing over him, a smile growing on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the American edition of Between the Buttons has "Let's Spend the Night Together" as the first song, but not the UK one, so that's why Noel would have been confused lol.
> 
> Stay safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a brief example of homophobia/homophobic language.

Noel woke up to Liam poking his shoulder and practically shouting “Wake up, wake up, wake up.” His eyes flew open and he raised a hand up to shove Liam’s head roughly.

“Fuck off, cunt.”

“It’s 10:30. It’s time to get up, you fucking arsehole.”

Noel groaned and turned his back away from Liam, burying himself deeper into the duvet. “Give us a few more minutes.”

“Nah, man, look at the sunshine outside. Fucking gorgeous out, it is. We should fuck off from rehearsals today, yeah? Take a holiday.”

“We agreed that we ain't going to be taking no holidays, Liam,” he grumbled, but turned over again to look out the window. The sun was high in the sky and shining onto the bed. The light fell across Liam’s face and illuminated the blue in his eyes, making them look like glass.

Louise was gone for a few days which meant that Liam had moved in, eating all their fucking food and leaving his clothes strewn about and waking Noel up just to annoy him. It was good that she wasn’t there or she would have had a fit.

“Common, Noel, we’ve been practicing everyday for weeks,” he said in an annoying whiny voice that sounded like the one he had used when he was six years old and trying to get out of taking a bath.

Noel rolled his eyes, but considered the idea for a minute. He couldn’t even remember the last time that it had been sunny out. And the thought of being out in the sunshine was definitely more attractive than being holed up in a dark room and screaming at Liam to focus while Guigsy, Bonehead, and Tony waited for them to stop arguing. Noel sighed.

“Give us another half hour and go call the rest of the band and tell them to fuck off.”

Liam bounded up. “I’ll go make us some tea and toast,” he said happily before walking away while singing “Here Comes the Sun.”

-

Noel had to admit that being out in the sun was a relief. He didn’t have an issue with rain and clouds typically. It was really only when the sun was out that he realized how much he missed it. And it was fun to see how excited Liam got about it. They sat on the grass in a park for a while, Liam lying down with his eyes closed and his face upturned towards the sky and chattering endlessly about how warm it was. Then Liam played some football with a random group of 14 year olds who were not too pleased when he started pushing them out of his way in order to score goals. He probably didn’t even realize that he wasn’t their age anymore.

Noel took him to his favorite record store next. It was small and cluttered. But the vinyl, cassettes, and CD’s were cheap because most of it was used. He could buy ten records and it would still be less expensive than a visit to the pub. And the geezer who ran it was grumpy and old and looked like the kind of bloke who was angry that the kids didn’t listen to Chuck Berry anymore. So he didn’t bother anybody that came in. Noel spent an entire day there once and he didn’t say a single word to him. It was like heaven.

But unsurprisingly, he and Liam ended up having an argument not long after they got there. It was always bound to happen, one way or another. The owner glared at them as they argued back and forth, but they couldn’t be bothered.

“ _Live at Leeds_ is not the only good Who album,” Liam said fiercely, his brow furrowed.

“It definitely fucking is,” Noel replied. “And it barely counts ‘cause it’s a live album. The rest you can’t listen all the way through ‘cause there’s always some shit song that ruins the whole thing.”

“What about _Who’s Next_ then?”

“Don’t tell me ‘Going Mobile’ doesn’t make you want to surgically remove your ear drums.”

“Fucking _Quadrophenia_?”

“‘Love Reign O’er Me’ sounds like a fucking fourteen year old girl wrote it about her fit English teacher.”

Liam’s eyes bugged out, making Noel snicker as he flipped through the punk records. “You cunt, you serious?”

“Yeah, dead serious.”

Liam huffed. “Funny yeah coming from someone who thinks _The Wall_ is the best Pink Floyd album.”

“For fuck’s sake, don’t start that shit again.”

“It’s clearly _Dark Side of the Moon_ , right.”

“Right, there’s a fucking surprise.”

“Nobody with more than two fucking brain cells to rub together thinks _The Wall_ is the best album, man.”

“You would know, eh?”

They bickered for a while, but it never escalated beyond a spat since Noel didn’t want to get banned. Noel actually liked that Liam had finally developed a music taste to the point that they could actually talk about it. There was finally common ground that was shared and simple. They differed on a few points of course. But mostly they liked the same energy and vibe in their music. And there was nothing Noel liked more than music after all.

Noel decided to buy a Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young album. The guitar on “Almost Cut My Hair” was dead good. It was a bit bluesier than he usually liked, but he couldn’t get it out of his head. As he was standing in the queue Liam came to show him what he wanted to buy.

“Yoko Ono?” Noel said when Liam held up the album. There was a pair of bloody glasses on a table next to a glass of water on the sleeve art. In the background was an outline of New York. “Did that hammer blow really scramble your brains that bad?”

"Shut it, cunt,” Liam replied defensively. “Yoko is top. She made this album right after John died. Those are his glasses.”

Noel frowned. “A bit dark, that.”

"What else are you going to be when the love of your life got fucking murdered right in front of you, yeah?”

“Fine, just don’t expect to be playing it round my flat.” Noel handed the album back. “What else you got?”

Liam handed him a compilation album of Buzzcocks songs.

“You know Pete Shelley is a poof, right?” Noel commented.

“Does that matter?” Liam replied, sneering a little. “Music is music, innit?”

Noel raised his eyebrows, shocked that Liam held such a progressive attitude. He shrugged. He couldn’t argue with him anyways.

After they bought the albums, they made their way towards a pub so they could get pissed for the rest of the afternoon. But before they got there they walked by a music store. Noel had gone past it a hundred times before, gawking at the Les Paul’s and ES-335’s that he probably would never be able to afford in the store window. But this time when he looked at the window he suddenly had an idea. He grabbed Liam’s hand and began dragging him inside.

“Cunt, let go,” Liam grunted. “You have enough fucking guitars, Christ.”

“I do,” Noel replied, smirking. “But _you_ don’t.” Liam frowned.

“I’m a singer. I don’t know how to play guitar,” he grumbled as they weaved their way through the inevitable huddle of geezers hunching over Strats and Flying V’s and playing “Smoke on the Water” and “Stairway to Heaven” like it was still 1972.

Liam was being partially honest. He had learned some chords here and there and tried to play Noel’s guitar a few times growing up, mostly just to make him mad. But he always got frustrated with it so he never bothered to learn more beyond that.

“I’ll teach you,” Noel said as he opened the door to the room where they kept the acoustics. He began to slowly examine them, trying to find a guitar that was cheap but not entirely shit. “You should know how to play an instrument anyways. It will help you learn songs faster.”

Liam scoffed and looked away. But Noel could tell by the way that he smiled just slightly that he liked the idea, especially if Noel was the one who taught him. He watched the way that Liam’s eyelashes brushed against his cheek as he blinked before turning again to the guitars.

-

Noel watched Liam strum the chords as he smoked a cigarette and leaned against the wall of his bedroom. Liam had been practicing chord changes for the past half hour now, sat on the bed and bent over the guitar. He was a surprisingly quick learner. His eyebrows were knitted together in concentration and he bit his lip when he moved his hands on the fretboard. Noel didn’t think he’d ever seen Liam anywhere near this focused before.

“How the fuck are you able to play barre chords already?” Noel commented. The strings didn’t even buzz or sound muffled when he played them, instead sounding bright and clear as if they were open chords. Noel hadn’t been able to accomplish that until he was 16. Maybe he should have gotten him a guitar that was harder to play.

“Thick fingers, mate,” Liam replied, not looking up from the strings.

They had ditched going to the pub after Noel had finally settled on a guitar to buy for Liam after an hour or two’s deliberation, which saw Liam pacing up and down the length of the store and taking regular smoke breaks. Since then, Noel had been teaching him how to play Beatle songs while they smoked joints. He was a remarkably focused and patient student, hardly even interrupted Noel every two fucking seconds like he usually did.

Liam hummed the melody to “Ticket to Ride” while he strummed the guitar.

“That song suits your voice,” Noel commented after he blew out smoke.

“Yeah?” Liam said, looking up at him and smiling.

“Yeah, kid.”

“I used to listen to this song a lot while you were gone, you know?” Liam remarked casually. Noel’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I would just listen to it on repeat for fucking hours with my headphones strapped to me head. Had to buy the 45 twice because I wore the first one out.”

Noel crossed his arms across his chest, trying to figure out if Liam was taking the piss or not. “Why that song then?”

Liam shrugged. “It just seemed to say what I felt.”

“And what was that?”

“For fuck’s sake Noel, I just missed you, man.”

Noel laughed incredulously. “Didn’t you like that I wasn’t there to kick your head in all the time?”

“Fuck off, twat.” Liam glared at him, but then frowned and lowered his eyes. He bit his fingernails briefly. “I dunno, I mean it just weren’t right to not have you there. Still isn’t in the house sometimes. But it’s better now that we’re in a band together, know what I mean? Get to see you more and that.”

Noel opened his mouth dumbly, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I really love you, you know, even when you’re being a cunt,” Liam said quietly, raising his eyes again to stare at him. Noel felt his heart flutter a little and he hated himself for it.

“I love you too, you fucking dickhead,” Noel said before taking a drag on the cigarette so Liam wouldn’t see him smile.

Later on he let him play the Yoko Ono album. Noel didn’t care for it much, except for one song, though he would never admit it to Liam. Liam sang along to it while they smoked the last joint and lay in bed together, “ _Is there anything I want more, more than your trust and understanding? No one can see me like you do. No one can see you like I do_.”

-

The first time that the band had played together it had immediately felt right, like it had always been meant to be. Of course it had required a lot of input and direction from Noel. Getting rid of the five stringed bass and turning up the gain until the dirtiness and distortion was almost painful and just the strum of a chord could make an eardrum liquefy. And most importantly there was the demand that Noel would be the lead guitarist and sole songwriter. That was what would bring them all what they wanted. It wasn’t a question.

But it was still a long and difficult process. There was never enough money. Getting gigs was nearly impossible. Fights and screaming matches between Noel and Liam were constant. The band was always close to the point of falling apart. The only thing that kept them together was Noel’s brutal leadership, always requiring endless rehearsals and reprimanding anybody he felt wasn’t playing their part properly. He would never let any of them quit, at least not until they finally made it. After that it would mainly be down to him and Liam anyways.

There was nothing more satisfying than singing a song to Liam and having him sing it back. And then when he sang it at a gig he gave it a life that Noel couldn’t have imagined when he had written it. Sometimes Liam would turn his head and glance at Noel as he sang, the blue of his eyes gleaming between his eyelashes. For a moment it felt like their bodies and minds were in harmony, like they were both humming and vibrating at an identical frequency that no one would ever be able to match. It made Noel’s heart race painfully every time it happened and he suspected sometimes just from the glint in his eye that Liam felt the same.

Noel was amazed at how well it made him and Liam get on. They had never spent so much time together. Of course they fought, that was just their relationship, but when they weren’t they were usually hanging around each other even when they weren’t rehearsing, drinking, smoking, and doing lines and laughing loudly about things no one else found funny or fighting about subjects that weren’t important or relevant.

Bonehead, Guigsy, and Tony were all mystified by Noel and Liam’s relationship. They constantly insulted each other and claimed that they hated each other. But they were also ready at any moment to throw a fist at anyone who said a bad word about the other or challenged their relationship. So the rest of the band quickly learned to not meddle. Noel and Liam had their own world, mostly built on music and a continuously intensifying mix of contempt and love. Nobody but them had access to it. Everyone else orbited around it. 

Louise was not impressed though. She always wore a distinct look of displeasure on her face when Liam arrived unannounced at their flat for a “visit”, though to be fair Noel wasn’t always so happy either. She also seemed quite disturbed that Noel and Liam could go so easily from rolling on the floor one moment, trying to smash each other’s face in, to sitting on the couch and chatting about music together while watching football on the telly the next. She tried to tell Noel it wasn’t healthy which always led to a fight. She just didn’t get it.

-

Noel let Liam sleep in bed with him when Louise was away. It seemed weird to make him sleep on the couch when there was plenty of room for them both.

They had turned the light out an hour ago. But Noel could tell by the way Liam breathed and how he kept tossing around the bed that he couldn’t sleep.

“Hey Noel…Noel,” Liam finally whispered, nudging Noel’s leg with his foot.

“I’m trying to sleep, Liam.”

“Your eyes have been open for the last ten minutes, cunt.”

Noel rolled his eyes. “Just go to sleep. It’s going to be morning soon.”

“Do you ever think about when we used to share a bed like this when you still lived at home?”

Noel held his breath for a beat. “Not really.”

“You don’t miss it?”

“No.”

Liam hesitated for a moment. “I just wanted to say that you know, even when I’m not around you can always come to me, you know what I mean?”

Noel turned his head to look at him in the dark. His eyes were large and unblinking. “Actually, no, I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s, just, like…like Lennon said, ‘if you’re lonely you can talk to me.’”

“I don’t get lonely.”

“No, I mean, like…” Liam faltered for words. “Like, I haven’t forgotten anything that’s happened. Sometimes it feels like it’s all making me mental, you know what I mean? So, you know, I think it must be shit for you.”

Noel raised his eyebrows, suddenly feeling guilty. He was the big brother. Liam shouldn’t be worrying about him. But Noel had also never considered worrying about Liam. Even when they were kids he had always thought that when Liam started crying or complaining about nightmares it was just for attention, like everything else he did. What did Liam have to be upset about anyways?

“I’m fine Liam, honestly.”

Liam stared at him like he didn’t believe him. “You don’t think about things at all?”

“What’s there to think about?”

Liam shrugged, still not blinking or looking away. “About dad and being sad and all.”

“I…I don’t get sad anymore.”

“Really?”

Noel wanted to look away from him, but he couldn’t. He looked so calm, quiet and focused, so unlike his usual frenzied energy and unbearable arrogance. He had never noticed how silent the room was before. All he could hear was Liam breathing, waiting for him to say something. But Noel couldn’t think of the right words. “Maybe sometimes,” he finally stuttered before he could stop himself.

“About what?”

Noel exhaled slowly, hesitating. “I guess I’m still scared.”

“Of what?”

“The future, that it’s all going nowhere, that I’ll end up old and angry and drunk all the time and wondering what I had done wrong.”

Liam shook his head vigorously. “Nah, that’s not going to happen, we’re too mega and your songs are too good for it to happen, you know what I mean? I won’t fucking have it.”

Noel smiled. “You won’t, eh?”

Liam nodded. “I’ll die before I do.”

“Don’t fucking say that, you idiot.”

“Why not?”

“It’s bad luck or summat. And I wouldn’t want you to die for me, fuck’s sake.”

Liam smiled and then paused for a moment. “I just want you to know I’ll do anything for you, Noel.”

“Common, Liam, I-”

“You know, I get sad sometimes too, really sad and angry. And I feel like there’s no one that gets it, right. But I always think that at least I have you. Maybe, yeah, we don’t talk about it or we don’t need to, but we see things differently from other people, the two of us. It keeps us together. It always will no matter what you or I say.”

Noel stared at Liam. Nothing else seemed real suddenly besides Liam’s eyes looking into his. All at once, everything, all the anxiety, fear, and sadness that he had avoided and denied for so long, threatened to rise to the surface. Reality had to come crashing back in before he said or did something that he wouldn’t be able to take back.

“Fuck, Liam, when did you turn into such a fucking girl, man?” Noel said, laughing a bit too harshly. Liam’s jaw tightened.

“Fuck you.” Liam flipped over so his back faced Noel. He fell asleep not long after that.

But Noel stayed awake for what was left of the night. He chain smoked while watching Liam sleep, still thinking about that stupid fucking shitty Yoko Ono song. _Even with our dreams and yearnings, the feeling of loneliness hangs over like a thirst_.

He had had a dream the night before that he was lying in bed when someone got in next to him. He rolled over on top of them, suddenly realizing they were both naked. At first the body beneath him was unrecognizable and vague. He assumed it was Louise so he immediately started thrusting and groaning. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned in his ear, except it didn’t sound like her. He pushed himself up and looked down to see that it was actually Liam beneath him. He was biting his lips and staring up at him with his blue eyes glowing like lights. He didn’t stop for a single moment to consider that what he was doing was disgusting and wrong. Instead he only pushed against him harder as they both grinded and gasped. He woke up not long after that, trembling and painfully hard.

He had been having dreams like this about Liam for a while now. It was frightening and disturbing, but the idea of fucking Liam could get him hard in a second. He had even started thinking about him when he had sex with Louise, about Liam writhing beneath him and biting his neck. But somehow the idea that he wanted to fuck Liam was a little easier to accept than the idea of being vulnerable around him. That’s what actually kept him awake at night, the craving to have Liam wrap his arms around his shoulders and be there with him when he was feeling alone.

Noel couldn’t make sense of why his feelings for Liam were morphing into something so twisted and complicated. But he knew that it was just a matter of time until it would have to be let out. Noel didn’t know if he was ready or ever would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://thequietus.com/articles/07183-noel-gallagher-favourite-albums
> 
> The Yoko Ono album is Season of Glass. I know that maybe it doesn't make sense that Liam would listen to Yoko Ono, but I feel like he would buy her albums and pretend to like them for John.


	3. Chapter 3

It finally happened soon after they got signed. Louise hadn’t been spending a lot of time at the flat. Which meant Liam was.

“I’m thinking of starting to look for a place in London,” Noel said after they had smoked a joint and drunk their first glass of whiskey on the floor by the bed and near to the speakers of Noel’s stereo system. Liam looked up from rolling another joint.

“Is Louise alright with that?”

Noel frowned. “I think we’re about to split up. For good this time.”

“Yeah, well fuck her,” Liam said, going back to work on the joint.

“Woah, here are, she’s still my missus. We aren’t finished up yet.”

Liam shrugged. “But you fucking will be.”

Noel furrowed his brows. “Are you looking for a fucking crack?”

Liam rolled his eyes. “She and you have been at each other’s throat for months, man. It’s about fucking time is all I’m saying.”

Noel sighed exasperatedly but didn’t say anything. He didn’t feel like arguing over something that he knew was probably true. Liam handed him the joint and he took the first hit.

“Are you really upset about it then?” Liam asked.

“Course I am,” Noel responded, handing Liam the joint. “I’m fucking broken hearted. She’s the love of my life.”

“If she were, then why you splitting up?”

Noel shrugged. “Cause it just…it don’t feel right anymore, you know what I mean?”

“Then maybe she’s not the love of your life.”

Noel frowned. “You don’t get it.”

Liam took a deep hit and blew out the smoke. “I think I fucking do, me.”

A few drinks and lines later they were giggling and fighting over what music to listen to. Noel kept trying to put on Smiths records, but Liam was not having it. He walked up to the turntable and grabbed _The Queen is Dead_ like he was going to break it. Noel tackled him before he could, but instead of hitting him he started tickling him, like he was seven years old again. Liam laughed reflexively, but kept swearing at him and trying to throw him off. Eventually he wrapped his arms around Noel and pulled him down on top of him. Then they just lay entangled on the floor, laughing together.

Eventually they calmed down and let each other take turns choosing music while chain smoking and sitting on the bed together. Noel put on Liam’s Buzzcocks record that he had never bothered to take home with him.

“Fucking top album, this,” Liam commented.

“I should say it is,” Noel agreed as he lay down besides Liam, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Can you believe we’re actually going to be fucking rock stars, man?” Liam said, looking at Noel and grinning brilliantly.

“Course, I’ve believed since the moment I took over the band,” Noel snickered. “It was always just a matter of time, what with my songs and that.”

“Nah, it wasn’t just you. I helped, yeah?” Typically Noel would be annoyed, but he smiled again instead.

“I reckon you did, we needed a pretty face, didn’t we?”

“Steady on, I’m more than that,” Liam replied indignantly. Liam’s furrowed brows and little nods made Noel laugh again. “I give this band a soul, right? The songs would be nowt without me.”

“Careful now, I can always find another good looking geezer to sing my songs,” Noel taunted.

“Yeah, maybe you could. But he’ll never be able to sing the songs like they should be sung, dickhead.”

Noel laughed while Liam glared at him. But again, he was right. Noel knew that he wouldn’t have been able to make it without him, no matter how good the songs were. Liam made them seem alive and young and hopeful, particularly when he sang them on stage and cockily towered over the room and shouted into the mic. He added a level of gravity to the song that couldn’t be matched by anyone else. He was the embodiment of them. So Noel couldn’t argue.

“Ever Fallen in Love” started playing as Noel moved up to lean against the headboard. He lazily nodded to the rhythm, occasionally singing along when he could remember the lyrics. Liam kept glancing at him, suddenly grinning widely, their spat apparently forgotten entirely. Noel wondered if he was about to get the giggles again. But then he made eye contact with him and his heart skipped a beat. The air suddenly seemed thick and unbearable when the weight of the lyrics hit him. _Ever fallen in love, in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?_

Noel would never _ever_ dare to say he was “in love” with Liam, but he also couldn’t help that he was still very much attracted to him. So far he had been denying his feelings well by refusing to acknowledge them and drowning them out with music and alcohol. But he suddenly felt very aware of the physicality of Liam’s presence. Of course Liam wouldn’t be able to know what he was thinking, but it still triggered his anxiety. God, he looked so pretty. Noel stared at the way his eyelashes drooped around his eyes.

“Are you wearing eyeliner?” Noel blurted out.

“Nah,” Liam replied, giggling a little and turning his head to flutter his eyes. “But maybe I should. I’d look well fit, eh?”

“Sure, if you want to look like a fucking girl.”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you then?”

“The fuck you on about?”

“You always say you wanted a sister.”

“You think I’d care if my own sister were fit?”

“You seem to care about that with me. Always going on about it, you are.”

Noel rolled his eyes, but couldn’t think of a retort. And he suddenly felt self-conscious about how many times he had commented on Liam being good looking. But that didn’t necessarily mean anything. He had eyes didn’t he? He was just stating a fact.

The song ended and Liam bounced off the bed like a ten year old. “My turn!”

Noel watched Liam’s back as he took a record out of its sleeve and put it on the turntable. Then there came the crackle of the vinyl as Liam placed the needle down. Repetitive bass notes, bright guitar strums, and Mick Jagger’s short dark laugh tipped off what song it was before ten seconds had passed. _Beggar’s Banquet_ had always been one Noel’s favorite Stone albums. But “Stray Cat Blues” made his stomach twist, at least when it came to the lyrics, which Liam was certainly aware of.

“Oh piss off,” Noel yelled, but Liam just laughed.

“We said we could play what we wanted when it’s our turn, no exceptions,” Liam reasoned. Noel sneered at him and turned his attention to his cigarette. Liam began to sing along loudly. Noel scanned the room and looked at anything that wasn’t Liam, knowing it would drive him crazy. Liam eventually crawled over and sat in Noel’s lap so that he would have to pay attention to him. He placed both of his hands on the wall by either side of Noel’s head so that it was difficult to focus on anything besides his face. He kept singing. Noel swallowed. Liam was blinking slowly, his lashes framing his eyes perfectly. “ _But it’s no hanging matter. It’s no capital crime._ ” His presence felt large and hypnotic when he was this close, especially with his lips roughly spitting out the lyrics and smirking. It was overwhelming what with the drugs and nicotine and alcohol, though those could easily just be excuses. Liam was heavy in his lap. He put his hands on Liam’s hips almost unconsciously.

“ _I bet your mama don't know that you scratch like that. I bet she don't know you can bite like that._ ”

Noel’s brain seemed to completely collapse upon itself in that moment, as if each synapse that had been holding him back was suddenly crushed by the sound of Liam’s raspy singing and the exhilarating feeling of his face being so close. Every thought besides that he had to kiss Liam vanished. It had always been going to happen, ever since the night when he had first heard Liam sing. So he surged forward and he placed his lips on Liam’s. It lasted for only a few moments, but long and intentionally enough that it would be difficult to mistake its purpose.

Noel pulled away and didn’t allow any feelings or thoughts to arise as he sat still and his eyes met Liam’s again. He decided pathetically that whatever Liam wanted to do was okay. If he wanted to hit him, he would take it. If he wanted to run and turn him into the police, he would understand. Any of it would be fair.

Liam exhaled all his breath as if he had been holding it in for a long time. “You fucking cunt,” Liam growled lowly in the small amount of space between them. Then before Noel could react Liam kissed him back. He opened his mouth and gladly accepted Liam’s tongue and the clicking of his teeth against his and refused to allow any time to be surprised or to question what was happening.

Liam kissed like how he did everything else in life. He did it without thinking and with attitude and aggression. There was no buildup, no small and patient kisses before politely moving into more passionate territory. It was only desperate and rough from the first moment on. His tongue was everywhere, exploring Noel’s mouth and licking his lips and vibrating with his groans and whimpers. Noel tried to return his movements and rhythm, but it was difficult to keep up, especially with how hard Noel was panting. Liam grounded one hand in fisting and pulling at the hair on the back of Noel’s head and the other remained planted on the wall. Noel gripped one of Liam’s hips and used his other hand to slip under his t-shirt and leave scratches up and down his back. Liam hissed into his mouth before biting down on Noel’s bottom lip. Noel had a momentary thought through all of the haze that he should be disgusted. This was wrong and it was going too fast. But that thought disappeared when Liam grinded down on Noel’s crotch and began to rock back and forth slightly. Noel let out a harsh moan against Liam’s mouth. They were both hard already.

Noel began to meet Liam’s movements with small upward thrusts. Liam bounced up a little with each movement and he broke away from Noel’s mouth so he could breathe raggedly. Noel used the opportunity to grab a fistful of Liam’s hair on the back of his head and yank it so that Liam would have to crane his neck backwards. He licked at the skin before biting down on Liam’s neck, making him moan loudly and rut helplessly against Noel. He let go of his hair and tightly gripped Liam’s hips in order to better control how he moved on his lap, slowing him down and forcing him to grind down harder. Noel sucked and bit hard enough that it had to hurt, but by the way that Liam was groaning he knew that he liked it. He let go and licked up and down his neck and beneath his ear and over his collarbones, listening to Liam’s heavy breaths.

“Lie down,” Noel hissed into Liam’s ear, pushing back on his shoulders. Liam went down easily without a moment’s hesitation. Noel moved to lie heavily on top of him before meeting his lips again. He didn’t let Liam lead this time, but instead moved slowly and sloppily against his mouth, letting his tongue lazily trace the inside of his mouth. And Liam let him, making barely-there groans. It made Noel’s chest ache. He began grinding against Liam again as he deepened the kiss.

“Fuck, Noel, fuck,” Liam breathed as he broke away and latched himself to Noel’s neck.

“Woah, hey, stop, I don’t want Louise to see,” Noel whined. Liam groaned and refused to let go, instead just sucking harder. “Stop, you twat.”

Noel pushed down on Liam’s shoulder and lifted himself up. They looked at each other momentarily and Noel saw how wide and focused Liam’s eyes looked. His breathing was in rhythm with the way he moved just a little upwards when Noel thrusted against him. It struck Noel at the moment that this was real. Liam was groaning beneath him with enthusiasm and very genuine arousal. Again, Noel entertained the thought briefly that this was wrong. But he just didn’t care.

He sat up and Liam whined from the lost contact. He raised himself to his elbows and was probably about to start swearing at him before he realized that Noel was reaching down to undo the button on Liam’s jeans. Then his breathing practically stopped as he lifted his head to look at Noel.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Noel said as he undid the fly.

“Christ, no, don’t fucking stop,” Liam responded, barely breathing.

Noel reached inside of his jeans and ran his hand up his cock over his pants. They were wet with precome. Noel bit his lip and Liam groaned lowly. Finally, Noel pulled his cock out of his pants, yanking them down a bit to gain better access. He stared at it for a few moments, barely believing that he was hovering over Liam’s fully erect dick.

“Is it as big as you thought it would be?” Liam asked, smiling widely. He was so fucking brazen it was infuriating.

“Shut it,” Noel replied, though he was a little surprised. He wasn’t as big as Noel was, but still. Noel pooled all of his spit in his mouth. Liam looked like he was about to say something, but whatever it was it was ended by a moan after Noel leaned down and licked a long stripe from the base of his cock up to the head. He swirled his tongue around it, the spit and precome making it slick. Liam was swearing endlessly, his head leaned to the side and his eyes closed.

Noel gripped the base of Liam’s cock in his fist and finally began to lower his head onto it. Liam was biting his lip in an attempt to keep some of his groans inside, but Noel could still hear them. Noel lowered himself until his lips met his fist. Then he moved up and down, slowly at first, but then sucking faster as he gained momentum, moving his fist in tandem in order to steady himself and compensate for what he couldn’t comfortably fit in his mouth. Liam reached a hand down and ran it through Noel’s hair. Noel grabbed his wrist with his free hand and slammed it down on the bed, using his weight to keep it planted there and squeezing it tightly enough to be painful. Liam whined lowly.

It didn’t take long until Liam was a complete mess, moaning and swearing continuously.

“Fuck, Noel, fuck, I’m so fucking close,” Liam finally groaned. Noel pulled off of him, but made sure to stroke him with his hand at a steady rhythm. He buried his face in Liam’s neck, rolling some of the skin between his teeth. Liam’s breaths were shaky and long.

“Do you want to taste yourself?” Noel wasn’t even sure if Liam could hear him considering how far gone he was, but he nodded. He turned his head, probably expecting Noel to kiss him. But instead Noel hooked a finger in his mouth, dragging it open wide, and spit into it. Liam moaned in his throat and Noel could feel his body begin to tense up.

“Are you going to come?”

Liam nodded absently and drew a hand up above his head to clutch at the sheets, his teeth tugging at his lip. Noel leaned forward and bit down harshly on his ear. Liam whined loudly as he finally let go. Noel had to stop himself from groaning when he felt him come all over his hand, Liam’s entire body pulsing and his breathing ragged.

“Fucking hell,” Liam panted when Noel finally let go of him. Noel wiped the come on his hand off on Liam’s shirt.

“What the fuck, dickhead,” Liam complained.

Noel shrugged. “You came all over it anyways. What’s a little bit more?”

Liam tried to glare, but Noel could tell that he liked it. He took a few more moments to catch his breath before sitting up and pushing Noel to lie against the headboard.

“Is it my turn then?” Noel said, grinning.

Liam shrugged. “Figured I might as well while I’m here.”

“Let’s see if you can take me without fucking choking yourself.”

Noel expected Liam to have some kind of retort, but he just smirked. He wasted no time in undoing Noel’s jeans and taking him out of his pants. He didn’t even take a moment to gawk at his cock, as if it was a common occurrence to see it throbbing right in front of him. He gave it a few strokes before taking it immediately in his mouth, leading Noel to mutter a quick _fuck_. He slowly lowered onto it. Noel’s mouth grew wider and wider the more Liam sank onto it.

“What the fuck Liam,” Noel groaned out when Liam pulled himself off and stroked him slowly, spreading his spit all around his cock.

“You like it?” Liam replied, smirking deviously.

“Have…have you done this before?”

Liam’s grin grew wider, but he didn’t say anything.

Before Noel could say anything more, Liam brought him into his mouth again, making him shudder. He settled quickly into a fast rhythm, sucking deeper with each stroke. Noel leaned his head back against the wall, panting and groaning deeply. Every now and again Liam broke his pace and slowly sucked him down as deep as he could until he was coughing and gagging around him, letting him throb at the back of his throat and making Noel moan embarrassingly loud. He was beginning to get dangerously close to coming, so he drew Liam off of himself for a moment and brought him up to kiss him. Liam groaned into the kiss and easily accepted Noel’s tongue. But after a minute he grabbed Liam’s hair and pulled him down again roughly.

“I never knew you were such a fucking slag,” Noel said through gritted teeth as he fisted his hair roughly. He expected Liam to maybe pull off of him and say Noel wasn’t much better or at least glare at him heatedly. But to Noel’s amazement, Liam squeezed his eyes and groaned around him.

“You like that, don’t you?” Noel hummed. “You like taking my cock?” Liam didn’t answer, but he pulled off for a second and circled the tip with his tongue. Noel took that for a yes. He grabbed Liam and forced him down again until he was choking.

“God, you’re so fucking good. Sucking me so well, fuck.”

Liam groaned again and Noel kept pushing his head down again and again.

“Christ, Liam, I’m going to come down your throat.” Noel gripped his hair harder to better get his point across. Liam looked up at him as he swallowed around him, his eyes glimmering perfectly as he hummed lowly. Noel convulsed and finally came in his mouth, hissing and groaning as he did it. His ears rang as he rode it out. He felt so high, he wasn’t sure it wasn’t about to kill him.

Liam pulled off of him when Noel let go of his hair. He raised himself to Noel’s eye level. Noel thought he was about to kiss him. But instead he opened his mouth and held out his tongue, showing off Noel’s come as it pooled in his mouth. Then he drew it back inside and swallowed.

Noel could have had a heart attack from that alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Noel had a bitter taste in his mouth when he woke up. He opened his eyes slowly and stared out the window. Even though it was raining he could tell that the sun was high up in the sky. In a daze, he looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was 12:47.

They had gone to bed not long after Noel had finished. Neither of them had said much as they came down hard from their highs, changed out of their clothes, and turned out the light. The conversation that they should have been having hung heavily over Noel’s head as he closed his eyes. Thankfully he fell asleep quickly, but not before a few panicked thoughts ran through his mind. He wondered if Liam felt the same before he finally slipped into unconsciousness.

Liam wasn’t lying next to him in bed. Noel figured that he had left after reality had set in. He wondered if Liam would ever want to speak to him again and miserably decided he wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. But he sat up and was both relieved and terrified to find that Liam was sitting on the floor beside his sound system, Noel’s headphones plugged into the stereo and placed around his ears.

His eyes were closed and his head was resting against the wall. He had that look on that he usually had when he was listening to music and he thought no one was looking. He wasn’t scowling or grinning and his eyebrows weren’t raised or lowered or scrunched together. His face was just completely still and unaware of the world around him. He looked more at peace than even when he was asleep. Noel stood up and leaned over him, trying to decide if he wanted to get his attention or slip out of the flat and put off the inevitable confrontation. But before he could choose, Liam opened his eyes and smiled.

Noel let out a long breath, biding his time as Liam pulled off the headphones. “What are you listening to?”

“ _With the Beatles_.”

“There’s other music out there besides the Beatles, you know.”

“Yeah, but none of it is as good so why bother?”

Liam continued to smile at him. Noel just stared, trying to gauge what he might be about to throw at him. Noel had expected to wake up to screaming and chaos. But Liam seemed relaxed and happy. It was eerie. Noel figured that maybe he didn’t remember what had happened last night. There was no way he would be so calm otherwise.

“I made you toast. I made tea too, but it’s cold now.”

Liam held up his offering. The bread looked burnt, but there was plenty of butter slathered on it and Noel’s stomach was growling. He sat down beside Liam and leaned against the wall as he ate it.

“Hungover, are you?” Liam asked.

“No.”

“Me neither.”

“You’re wearing my jumper,” Noel commented flatly. Louise had bought it for him for his birthday, as if he liked getting clothes as presents. It was just a touch oversized and emerald green. It looked better on Liam, not that he was surprised. Noel also couldn’t help but notice that Liam was wearing nothing else besides his boxers.

“Well, my shirt was dirty, you know, so I figured you wouldn’t mind,” Liam responded, snickering. Noel winced. He did remember. But that just made his already annoying cheerfulness infuriating. Was he that big of an idiot? Did he really not understand the gravity of what they had done? Noel felt a sudden wave of anger that made his eyes sting. He wanted to scream.

“Why are you so happy?” Noel spat out, clenching his fists. Liam’s smile disappeared and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Why shouldn’t I be happy?”

“Stop fucking about Liam,” Noel growled. “We _fucked_ each other.”

Liam shook his head. “We didn’t fuck. We only sucked each other off is all.”

“Are you joking?” Noel scoffed, completely bewildered. Liam’s arms were casually crossed across his chest and his shoulders were lax and comfortably leaned against the wall. He was barely even frowning. Nothing in his posture or tone signified that he cared much, as if they were fighting about who ate the last crisp instead of the degree to which they fucked. “That’s still a big fucking deal, you idiot.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Liam shot back. “Don’t be such a girl about it, Christ.”

“Don’t be a girl? Don’t be a _fucking girl_?” Noel’s voice was becoming louder and angrier by the moment. Liam glared at him. “Liam, we’re brothers, remember? That’s wrong _and_ illegal, you know that right? Do you think anybody will want anything to do with us if we get found out? Our career will be over before it even fucking started.”

“Nobody is going to find out unless you keep screaming about it.”

“Fuck’s sake, be serious about this, dickhead,” Noel shouted. “We can’t just-”

“I am being serious, me,” Liam broke in. “Dead serious. I’m saying nobody is going to ever know, Noel. So it’s not a big deal. End of.”

Noel looked at him in disbelief. He had no idea how to make sense of Liam’s almost complete lack of concern. He had expected him to be furious, violent, and defensive. He thought by now Liam would have smacked him around while shouting that he wasn’t a queer or a freak and that Noel had taken advantage of him, which Noel knew he wouldn’t be able to deny. But Liam just didn’t seem to care that their relationship had been irrevocably warped into something that was so inherently perverted and poisonous that it could never be recovered. “How can you be so _okay_ with this?”

“It’s done, innit?” Liam replied indignantly. “And it’s not like it was against either of our wills. I don’t get why you’re so fucking freaked out.”

Noel exhaled in exasperation, trying to hold back a scream. “It’s _wrong_ , Liam!”

“We’re not hurting nobody.” 

“That’s not the fucking point.”

“Why is it so wrong then?”

Noel groaned. “Because we’re brothers, you moron!”

“Fuck off, like either of us is going to get up the duff or summat.”

“It’s not about that, you know that.”

“What is it about then?”

“You know what.”

“No, I don’t.”

Noel banged his head against the wall in frustration, feeling like he was either about to strangle Liam or jump out the window. “It’s not right, you fucking dickhead. It’s unnatural. It’s not allowed in society.”

“Society?” Liam laughed. “You serious? When have we ever cared about all of that? The same society that sucks off the queen and treats us like shit as it is, is that what you mean?”

“Liam, please, fuck’s sake-”

“When the Pistols said-”

“Don’t you dare try to tell me that the Pistols said to fuck your brother.”

“No, you dick, I was going to say that Lydon always talks about-”

“I don’t want to hear nowt out of you.”

“Shut the fuck up, man.”

“Christ, you’re such an idiot.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“If you tell me to shut up again I’m going to fucking crack your-”

“Will you just come off it?”

“Right, you can go on ahead and get the hell out of my flat.”

“Jesus, just get on with it and fuck me, you twat,” Liam replied menacingly, practically growling.

Noel suddenly fell silent and stared at him with his mouth stupidly hanging open. His brain suddenly dissolved every function that wasn’t trying to comprehend what Liam had just said. Noel studied his flaring nostrils and narrowed eyes. He looked furious, or at least not at all like a person that was asking to be fucked. “What?”

“Just fuck me,” Liam repeated, spitting out the words.

“You want me to _fuck_ you?” Noel echoed in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Liam answered, not attempting to hide his annoyance for Noel’s hesitation. “We both want it and we know it’s going to happen so we should just do it, yeah?”

Noel shook his head, still in shock.

“It’s _fine_ Noel, it’s fucking cool,” Liam sighed irately.

“We can’t,” Noel replied in a voice that sounded small and distant.

“Yes, we fucking can.”

Liam’s face looked confident and brave with a set jaw and furrowed brows. But Noel peered into his eyes and saw that his reflection in them was confused and terrified. He wanted to fuck Liam desperately. It was almost painful, especially since it was so miraculously surreal that for some fucked up reason Liam wanted it too. But it was too dangerous, too intimate, and too soon. He already felt like he was on the edge of letting everything he had built up and worked for fall apart. It made him feel dizzy and exhausted. He wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for years and years.

But Liam was hovering close to his face, breathing deeply and his eyes widening expectantly. He was radiating sureness and forcefulness, obviously knowing what he wanted and that he was going to make it happen. Something about it was undeniably assuring and seductive. It almost lulled Noel into beginning to believe that there wasn’t anything to be afraid or ashamed of. Noel realized he was being sucked in again when he noticed that he was counting Liam’s breaths. He felt so tense that he wondered if his entire mind and body weren’t about to snap.

“It’s okay Noel,” Liam said after a few seconds of silence had past. “It’s just me.”

He didn’t stop Liam when he leaned forward and put his mouth on his. It was slow at first, surprisingly tender. No tongue, just pushing his lips against his. But then he moved himself to get in Noel’s lap and then it was like last night again. Opened jaws and nipping teeth, spit spreading everywhere and panting into each other’s mouths. And Noel took it because it felt good and right. But when Liam started to grind down against Noel, he came back to himself. He broke the kiss and pushed against Liam’s shoulders so that he wouldn’t dive forward again. Liam looked at him with wide eyes while his chest heaved.

“Noel, it’s alright. We both want this, don’t we?”

Noel shook his head. “We _can’t_.”

Liam hardened his jaw. "Why the fuck not?"

Noel glared at him and pushed up on his hips until he got off his lap and stood. He expected Liam to sneer down at him and finally start shouting. Instead he just stared at him with wide eyes and a tight lipped frown. He looked so young and naïve.

“Why do you want it so bad anyways?” Noel asked.

“Because I _do_ , Noel, I’ve always wanted it, wanted everything, so I think we should just do it.”

Noel baulked and he narrowed his eyes. “What? Are you having me on?”

Liam shook his head. “No.”

“What the fuck are you on about then?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

“So I gathered, but you’ve _always_ wanted it?”

“Yeah,” Liam said, shrugging his shoulders as if to persuade Noel that it was something casual and obvious. Noel shook his head, confused all over again.

“Like forever?”

“Yeah.”

“ _Why_?”

“I don’t know why.”

“Yes you do.”

Liam pressed his lips together in a line. “I can’t sort it out. I’m no good with words.”

Noel laughed. “You think I don’t know that?”

“Don’t be a cunt.”

Noel closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “Okay, fine, I’m sorry. I’m, like…I never know what’s really going on in that head of yours. I just don’t understand.”

Liam exhaled sharply and took a moment to pause, hardening his jaw. He moved to go sit on Louise’s small desk in the corner. He tended to do that often because he knew that it annoyed her. He leaned his back against the wall and stared out of the window while biting his nails.

“I’ve always wanted to be everything I could be for you, I guess,” Liam said after another beat, hesitating and suddenly uncharacteristically quiet, almost shy. “However you wanted it, you know what I mean? Ever since we were kids.”

Noel was taken aback for a moment. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to hear, but certainly not something so vulnerable and honest. It was so unlike how Liam usually was. He scoffed quickly, not waiting to let the words affect him any further. “When we were young you made sure that you were always in my way, remember? And you still do, for that matter. Don’t seem like you cared one way or another.”

“I know I was a right little cunt,” Liam responded, shifting his eyes to meet Noel’s again. “But I was there when you needed me, weren’t I? Still am, right? From the day I was born I’d do anything for you.”

Liam’s eyes were large and his lips were wet and parted just slightly, reminding Noel of when he was a child and followed him around wherever he went. His tone and expression made him cringe. Noel suddenly felt even more anxious, guilty, and small and he hated it.

“Don’t fucking say that,” Noel groaned.

“Why not?”

“It makes it sound like I’m taking advantage of you or summat.”

Liam rolled his eyes. “It weren’t like I were thirteen years old and writing love poetry about you fucking me up the arse. I just always knew there were something else there, something different than from how I felt about Paul. Or anyone else. I wanted to get anything I could get from you and be there when you needed me, needed me for anything, you know?”

Noel gave a short dark laugh. “I don’t know why you think I need you so desperately. I don’t need you for anything. What does that have to do with fucking anyroad?”

Liam sighed angrily. “Us being in a band together made me know for sure that we’re a lot more than just brothers, alright. We’re the fucking same, completely tuned in to each other. And then when you kissed me it just settled everything into place.”

“What, you want to be my boyfriend or summat?” Noel snapped.

Liam shrugged, refusing to fall for Noel’s bait. “We’re like John and Yoko. Or Paul and John, if that’s what you fancy. Fucking weirdos that belong together, we are.”

“We fucking hate each other.”

“As brothers, yeah, but not in a lot of other ways, clearly.”

Noel sneered at him. Liam crossed his arms across his chest. “When you kiss me it feels good, don’t it?”

It did. As disgusting as it was, it almost felt like finding the right lyric to a song or watching the crowd jump to the beat at one of their gigs, so satisfying it was impossible to explain. Noel studied the way that Liam’s chest rose and fell with his breathing. He was distracted again for a moment. He was too tired to try and deny that he didn’t want to think of him as his brother anymore. He just saw him as the frontman to his band that had spent the night with him and was still miraculously sat in front of him, waiting for him to finally let him in. He suddenly felt desperate to give in again, maybe even more than last time. He was too drained and overwhelmed to keep fighting it for much longer. He lowered his eyes away from Liam, trying to make his face into an impassive mask.

“If it feels good how bad can it be?” Liam continued.

Noel remained silent.

“What are you so fucking afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid,” Noel spat.

“Seems like you are.”

“I’m _not_.”

“Fuck me then,” Liam shot back furiously. “Christ, it’s too late to go back now, I’ve already sucked your cock. How’s that much different than a fuck?”

“Is that what you really want?” Noel answered harshly, raising his eyes to glare at him, feeling like he really was about to jump out the window. “The idea of getting fucked by your own brother really turns you on that much, you fucking slag?”

Noel thought that would break him. Liam would finally stand up and shout a barrage of insults at him and maybe throw a fist. Instead, Liam simply nodded his head. “Yeah. So just do it before I change my mind.”

Noel stared at him, feeling like the wind was being kicked out of him. He could feel himself rapidly losing what was left of his will as it was overwhelmed by the thought of being inside of Liam, what it would feel like, the noises he would make, the way he would move beneath him. It overwhelmed his senses and he could feel every inch of his body heating up in anticipation. Liam had a point anyways. They had crossed a line that couldn’t be recovered. Nothing about their relationship would ever be the same. What else did he have to lose?

“Fine, if it will get you to shut up, I’ll fuck you. But you’re going to suck my cock first.”

Liam rolled his eyes. “Whatever, you weirdo, just get over here.”

Noel stood and crossed the room quickly before any doubts could flare up again. He grabbed Liam’s jaw and kissed him forcefully, immediately forcing his mouth open. Liam groaned and shifted closer to the edge of the desk, wrapping his legs around him and grabbing his waist, enfolding him and drawing him closer. After a minute Noel broke the kiss to reach down and lift up the hem of the jumper. Liam quickly got the idea and scrambled to take it off. Noel laughed.

"God, you’re really gagging for it, aren’t you?”

Liam hardened his jaw. “Shut up and kiss me, cunt.” Noel shook his head and leaned forward to harshly bite down on Liam’s collarbones. Liam moaned breathily. The more that Liam squirmed, the harder he bit down until he was sure that he would leave bruises and teeth marks. Liam suddenly shot a hand forward and down into Noel’s trackies, gripping his already half-hard cock. Noel couldn’t stop himself from letting out a choked gasp. He shifted further down Liam’s chest and dragged his tongue lazily over one of his nipples. He drew it into his mouth and bit around it a little before he started sucking painfully hard.

“Woah, hey, stop that,” Liam huffed, despite already having made a telling groan deep in his throat. He let go of Noel’s dick which was now considerably harder. “I’m not a bird. I don’t like that shite.”

“You better tell your dick that then,” Noel taunted before he gave his nipple one last lick and ran his hand up Liam’s cock over his pants. He was already leaking precome. Liam bit his lip unconsciously.

“You bastard,” he groaned. Noel laughed again and grabbed Liam’s hips, dragging him forward and coaxing him to stand up.

"Common, get on your knees.”

Liam quickly moved forward to kiss him briefly as he tugged at Noel’s shirt to get him to take it off. As Noel balled the shirt up and threw it across the room, Liam palmed him teasingly over his trackies, hissing in his mouth. Noel rolled Liam’s bottom lip in his teeth for a moment before he roughly pushed down on his shoulders, forcing him to fall to his knees.

Liam panted for a moment before quickly pulling Noel’s trackies down with his pants and immediately taking the head into his mouth and sucking.

“Christ, Liam,” Noel breathed, fisting a hand into the hair in the back of Liam’s neck and placing his other on the desk behind him to steady himself. Liam started bobbing his head, swallowing around him and humming, making Noel groan and pant. Noel couldn’t take his eyes off of him, didn’t even dare to blink as he watched him take his cock down his throat, gagging a little every so often but never stopping. He finally broke his pace and pulled off to cough and catch his breath, but he quickly reached a hand up to stroke Noel and continued to lick around the head. He opened his eyes and immediately started smirking when he saw Noel staring down.

“Like what you see?” Liam asked, his voice husky.

“I suppose so,” Noel answered, trying his best to sound disinterested. “You ready to fuck now?”

Liam shrugged. “I suppose so,” he echoed in a mocking voice.

“Don’t be cheeky,” Noel responded. “Stand up.”

Liam obeyed and immediately lunged forward for a kiss, grinding his cock against Noel’s. Noel kissed back and considered how he wanted to move forward. He broke the kiss to finally step out of his trackies and push them aside. Then he grabbed Liam’s hips and shifted and guided him forward to bend over the desk. He pushed down on his back until his arms were bent and he was bracing himself on his elbows on the desk. Liam was breathing hard.

Noel leaned over him to roughly scrape his teeth over one of Liam’s shoulder blades as he pulled down his boxers. He pulled back for a moment and held his breath as he realized that Liam was fully nude in front of him. The pressure of the anticipation made him almost nauseous for a moment. A wave of anxiety threatened to rise, but Noel pushed it down. It was too late.

He ran his tongue over the teeth marks he left on his skin and finally reached down to lightly circle Liam’s opening. Liam’s breathing hitched.

“All right?” Noel asked lowly.

“Yeah,” Liam said, hesitating for a moment.

“Are you nervous?”

“No,” Liam replied firmly. “Just get on with it.”

“Give us a moment,” Noel answered, kissing his shoulder and pulling away. Liam turned around and watched as Noel rifled through the nightstand. Noel found the lube and held it up triumphantly. Liam’s eyes were large and unblinking as he stared at it.

Noel returned and roughly flipped Liam around again and positioned him back into how he wanted him. He wasted no time in uncapping the bottle and drizzling a copious amount of lube on his fingers. He went back to circling Liam’s hole until he heard him sighing in impatience. Then he pushed a finger in without warning. Liam gasped and stilled himself.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Noel said as he pushed further in and began to curl his finger inwards.

Liam shook his head. “Keep going,” he choked out.

Noel complied and added a second finger. Noel could feel Liam’s body tensing as he dropped his head between his shoulders and breathed deeply, trying to steady himself. He moved his fingers slowly and carefully, making beckoning motions as Liam tried not to squirm. Finally, he shifted deeper and he felt Liam twitch and let out a groan.

“What the fuck,” Liam said, his voice sounding gruff.

Noel smirked and started to move a bit rougher while making sure to stroke the right spot. He could feel Liam’s entire body relaxing and loosening as he made small little whines with each thrust of Noel’s fingers.

“Feel good?” Noel asked.

"Yeah," Liam nodded. “Can you fuck me now?”

“Not yet,” Noel responded right before adding a third finger. Liam shuddered and exhaled sharply.

“ _Fucking Christ._ ”

“Hurts?”

“Yeah, you fucker.”

Noel shrugged. “I need to make sure you’re ready.”

“I _am_ ready,” Liam snapped, twisting his head around to glare at him. “Just put it in.”

“No need to make it sound so unromantic, love,” Noel taunted, roughly pushing his fingers inside of him as Liam let out little sighs with each movement.

“Fuck you.”

Noel abruptly pulled his fingers out, making Liam gasp. “Easy now.”

Liam sneered. “Common, just fuck me, you cunt.”

Noel cocked his head. “Alright, but only because you’re begging for it like a slag.”

Liam hardened his jaw, glaring but not saying anything. Noel grinned and pulled away, turning again to his drawers.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Liam asked, exasperation clear in his voice.

“Trying to find a condom,” Noel answered, not looking up from the drawer.

Liam scoffed. “We don’t need none of that. Just fuck me.”

“Yes, we do Liam and I’m not going to argue with you about it,” Noel answered as he finally dug one out. As he turned to Liam again, he saw that his eyebrows were knitted together anxiously.

“You don’t have to,” Liam said quietly. “I haven’t done this before.”

“What, sex?” Noel answered sarcastically as he ripped open the foil.

“You know what I mean, dickhead.”

Noel sighed as he rolled the condom onto himself. “Well, I _have_ done this before so we’re using one, end of.”

Liam scowled but relented, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do to convince Noel otherwise. Noel turned him around one final time, dragging his hips forward and forcing him to arch his back. Despite his attempts to hide it, Noel could tell that Liam was nervous. His muscles were tense and his body was hot and shaking. Noel felt a little guilty and anxious as he slathered an almost comical amount of lube on his cock. As much as he liked it rough, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he hurt him, at least like this anyways. For a moment he considered ending it there, but he also knew that there was no stopping him now. He was too far gone and so was Liam.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Noel offered as he began to align himself with Liam’s opening.

“God, I’m not a bird,” Liam snarled. “Just do it.”

Noel rolled his eyes and began to push forward, gripping one of Liam’s hips and trying to stop himself from getting dizzy as he felt the tight pressure begin to engulf him. But before he could get much farther he felt Liam shudder and saw him bend his head down to bite his wrist, his eyes squeezing shut. Noel pulled out immediately.

“Why the fuck did you stop?” Liam growled, whipping his head around to glare at him.

“I was hurting you,” Noel replied as he applied more lube.

“I can take it.”

“It’s not supposed to hurt like that.”

“You would know then?”

“Shut it.” Noel began to line himself up again but this time in a slightly different angle. “Just relax your body alright?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Liam breathed and braced himself as Noel began to slowly enter him. Noel studied Liam carefully as he slid in further. He was grimacing a little, no doubt in discomfort, but at least he wasn’t trying to bite himself this time. He continued to push in until he was fully inside of him, his hips flush against Liam’s. Liam let out a long shaky breath as Noel leaned forward, placing both hands on either side of him on the desk and covering his entire body with his.

“All right?”

“Yeah, just go,” Liam said angrily, but Noel could still feel his body shaking. Noel breathed on his shoulder and ran his hand up and down his side soothingly as he began to push out and back in with agonizingly slow and shallow thrusts. After a minute, Liam’s muscles became less tense and his breathing slowed and deepened, his body giving in to Noel’s presence. He carefully began to pick up the pace of his thrusts, letting himself begin to really feel the push and pull of Liam’s body around him. Finally, Liam began to let out small and rhythmic moans each time Noel thrust into him.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Liam panted when Noel deepened his movements.

“Does that feel good?” Noel breathed into Liam’s ear.

“Yeah,” Liam said, his voice quiet and gasping.

“Do you want it harder?”

“Fuck yeah.”

Noel harshly bit his earlobe for a moment and then pushed up and off of him. He grabbed Liam’s hips and began to fuck him with hard and long thrusts. Liam bowed his head down between his shoulders and groaned loudly as Noel began to rock them back and forth.

“God, Liam, you feel so fucking good, Christ.”

Liam moaned at the words and reached a hand down and began to stroke himself. Noel sucked in a breath sharply and felt overwhelmed for a moment, but he wasn’t ready to come, not yet. He pulled out. Liam turned around, his eyes dazed and his brows furrowing.

“Get on the desk,” Noel commanded roughly. Liam got the idea immediately and scrambled to follow his order. Noel was on him as soon as he was sat down and grabbed the back of his head and pushed him forcefully forward into a rough kiss. He swatted Liam’s hand off of his dick and began to stroke him languidly, enjoying the feeling of his moans vibrating in his mouth. Noel pulled away and slathered some more lube on his cock before grabbing one of Liam’s legs and pushing it upwards towards his chest until his hips were angled forward and he was leaning back, one arm wrapping around Noel’s neck for support. Noel kept his leg up and draped around his upper arm as he finally guided himself back inside. He fucked in with deep and fast thrusts, so that Liam’s back rhythmically slammed against the wall with each movement. Liam groaned deep in his chest when Noel finally gripped his cock and began to stroke him in time with each harsh thrust.

“ _Fuck_ , Noel,” he moaned breathily as he worked a hand into the hair at the back of Noel’s head, pulling ruthlessly.

“How do you like taking my cock?”

“God, I love it, so fucking much,” Liam answered, his voice not more than a whine. Noel lurched forward and bit down hard and sucked on the skin right below his ear as he quickened his thrusts. Liam’s moans were now becoming louder, filling up the entire room along with the sound of the creaks of the desk beneath them and skin hitting skin.

Noel leaned forward and put more of his weight onto Liam, pushing him further back until his head and upper torso were being slammed and pushed up and down against the wall. Liam’s legs were tightly encircling Noel, drawing him even deeper until there was no possible way to be any more inside him. He was sliding and falling into him now without any resistance, nothing at all separating them. It was fucking terrifying. So he smashed his lips against Liam’s, banishing the fear away as he breathed into his mouth.

“Noel, I’m close,” Liam gasped as he broke their kiss. Noel tightened his grip around Liam’s cock and stroked faster as he relentlessly slammed his hips into his. Noel could feel his brother’s entire body tensing in anticipation and tightening around him. “Fuck, I’m going to come.”

“Yeah, common, come on my cock,” Noel gritted out, feeling himself rapidly being drawn into his own climax.

Liam let out one last drawn out groan as he finally let go and before Noel could even dare to think, he was coming with him, the both of them shivering and sighing in harmony.

Noel had to hold himself perfectly still for a minute, trying to keep reality at bay as they came down and caught their breath.

“Are you alright?” Liam finally asked. Noel exhaled slowly and disentangled himself from him after pulling out. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Liam or offer any explanation. He pressed his lips in a line and looked at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked when Noel hadn’t moved for a few moments. “Noel?”

He didn’t move. Liam sighed in frustration and caught Noel’s jaw in his hands, forcing him to look up at him. “Hey, it’s just me,” Liam said.

Before he could stop himself, Noel felt a tear well up in his eye and fall down his cheek. He expected Liam to laugh at him, and he immediately tensed, waiting for him. But instead, Liam tightly drew his arms around him and held him there. Noel stiffened for a moment. It somehow felt considerably more intimate than what they had just done, probably because it wasn’t rough and lustful. It was just warm and loving. He knew he should resist it or at least feel angry and afraid. But instead he returned Liam’s hold around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go wash yer hands!!!!!


End file.
